Today was filled with many good ones. It started off with Boo sitting at the kitchen table waiting for our bi-annual trip to the dentist. I was madly racing around the house trying to get everyone ready and out on time. Boo, oddly enough, was dressed, fed, teeth brushed and ready to go. In one of my streaks through the kitchen I see him quickly sit up straight. I ask him what he is doing, knowing very well what he was doing as I got closer. See, the hubby's b-day was last night and the last remnants of the cake were sitting on the table. Boo's face covered in chocolate spelled out his sneaking some licks while waiting for none other than the dentist...awesome. I did my usual try to yell, but did very poorly given I thought it was pretty damn funny. Boo took my smirk as an affirmation that it was ok to eat cake before heading to the dentist, because on another streak through the kitchen he pretty much demolished the frosting on the outside. Then, yelling without smiling was possible.
Later in the day we were eating dinner and watching the Food Network. My kids love the Food Network almost as much as I do.
Boo: Mom do you know what caramelized means? Me: (proud as punch that my little guy is already a foodie at four) Yes, but yo tell me what you think. Boo: It means to kill someone.
Awesome, not only does Boo not know what caramelized means, he's already got boy violence on the brain.
Me: What makes you say that? Boo: Because on the McDonald's commercial the chicken nugget got caramelized by the apple dippers.
Sister finally got in on the act when we were talking about our family and how much we love each other (insert gagging noise here). The hubby and the kids were thanking me for being a good Mommy, I was thanking them for being good kids, and just being thankful in general for having three great kids. Sister spoke up.
Sister: And thank you to Daddy for giving you the seeds to make us! Me: Indeed, thank you Daddy!
I may have to start carrying a notebook around with me all day, as I know there were a few more, but my mushy Mommy brain cannot retain any sort of information of any importance, thanks again Daddy!
I am the worst liar, I have the worst poker face. This has generally not been a problem in life, as I try to be nice and tell the truth, and am slightly bored by poker. However, when having kids, you must be able to put on that poker face and discipline them when they do something wrong, that also happens to be hysterically funny. Last night was another example of my inability to do this.
Our lovely neighbor girl brought over a pre-prepared meal from The Dinner Club. It was Chicken with White Wine Sauce. Now I have done the Dinner Club before and the dinners were 50/50 with the kids. When I opened the package to see what's inside - chicken with a probable white wine sauce, swiss cheese, and stuffing mix on top - I was almost 95% certain that the kids would poo-poo it. The frozen mixed veggies on the side - containing the usuals plus cauliflower and yellow carrots - was going to seal the deal. Yet...I pushed forward. Figuring they wouldn't eat it anyway, I pushed the envelope even more by making one of my fave sides, Basmati Rice.
So the dinner starts, as does the skepticism. I try to push the whole "Your neighbor friend made it" which probably enabled them to at least try it. Sister ate a few bites of the chicken, choked down a few mushy pieces of broccoli (why I never make frozen, big fan of fresh) and was decidedly against the rice. Boo loved the rice, but adamantly refused to touch anything else. I told him he needed to try one piece of chicken. I scraped any evidence of sauce, cheese, or stuffing mix off the top and he ate that piece. I then forced another piece on him, which had a small remnant of cheesy sauce on it. He promptly spit it out...on the floor, accompanied my that "ptooey" sound. Now, if I was watching the reality show that Boo should have, I might easily have wet myself. But the mom in me needed to be the hard-ass and yell at the child. I tried with a half-smile on my face, as the hubby just stood there smirking at me. I then did my dramatic, bury my hands in my face as if I am so frustrated, so I can get in a couple giggles before coming up to explain why we don't live in a barn.
Needless to say, I need some work on my poker face.
So today I started a new workout, the 30 Day Shred. Sister came downstairs just as I started and asked to workout with me. So we started together. In the first minute you do jumping jacks. Sister was quite excited as this is something she does regularly in gym class.
Sister: I can do this, we do it all the time in gym class. We're lookin good already Mom!!
Me: Sure Sister!!
Later as we were doing abs and Sister decided to play the role of Jillian Michaels, she stood over me, instructing me to push harder.
This was a banner week for Boo, in fact so many funny things that I have literally forgot most of them. Yesterday's running up to everyone at the dinner we went to and screaming "BIG EYES" was one of them, but many more.
While getting ready to go pick up Sister from school, Boo asks for gum. When we get in the car...
Boo: I am sorry Mom (very pathetic like)
Me: For what Boo (appreciating the non-forced apology for anything)
Boo: My gum fell down the back of my throat into my stomach!
Me: Fell?? Don't you mean you swallowed it.
Boo: No, Mom. I turned my head and it accidentally fell down my throat!
Or Saturday after I was helping him in the bathroom, and he is standing there touching his toes with his head between his legs, pants around his ankles.
Boo: Mom, my penis is small.
Me: No, your fine Boo, it's just the way your standing. (Though to be perfectly truthful, this was my biggest fear when he was a baby. Back in the day when I worked at a group home for kids, there was this little boy who had something called Micropenis Disease, it it was just that. So when Ryan was born and I got over the trauma of the circumcision - a whole other story in itself - his penis was pretty small. As the hubby would say - a grower, not a show-er. But I never forgot that kid at the group home. I would analyze the doctors reaction every time she examined his nether region, and she never seemed alarmed. But by nine months I could no longer handle the anxiety and at his check up that month, as the doc was examining him I blurted out, "are you sure his penis is ok, because it looks very small, and it is always tucked in, and i don't want him to go through a life of having a small penis and being teased about it." She says, "Kelly, relax he's fine, his penis is normal!" Whew!)
Boo: (grabbing himself) This part doesn't stick out much, but this part down here is big. (You can imagine where his hands were placed)
Me: Uh...you're just fine.
Finally, the pinnacle of this week's Booism was his new learned talent of skipping. While in Target waiting for Sister who was in the bathroom, Boo asked me to teach him to skip. I, as a good mother, made a total fool of myself by skipping by through the customer service center. Boo then took his turn and made me look golden. He was so funny, skipping while pointing his fingers in the air I made him recreate it at home. This is when ensued...
All I'm sayin is it is possible that one day I may take a bite out of Tess. Not sayin I think it is ok, but it would be unavoidable. Those cheeks (on face and rear), that neck, and those toes...all unknowing victims. She even giggles when I start to nibble, so who's to say she wouldn't like it!
When Sister was born (long before she was Sister), I cherished most moments as a new mom would. But I worked full-time, many milestones missed, or seen the second time around. When Boo came along, he was a mischievous baby, getting into everything. Sister was two and a half and always on the go. From about 7mos on, I wished for Boo to get past the baby stage, so we could move on with Sister.
But, now, Tess...it sometimes amazes me how in love with her I am. Every milestone a joy, every stage "the best." I can guarantee she is the smartest baby around, no one can beat my baby. I know she is very likely our last baby, and unlike before, I want her little forever. And I want to eat her.
Please consider the following my submission for the award of Mother of the Year. I realize I have vied for the prize in the past, but I feel that today's actions will secure my place as most deserving of MOTY.
When my eldest child woke up this morning she complained of a stuffy nose and watery eyes. I felt said child's head, it was not particularily hot and consequently gave her some Dimatapp and Motrin (yes, yes, I know, none of these acts qualify one for the award). I then proceeded to instruct child to not complain at school, because they send children home with the slightest of fevers, and sent her on her merry way to school. At 3pm, when I picked up eldest child, she looked very sad. The teacher informed me that at the end of the day she suddenly felt very bad, and when they took her temperature it was 102. As I led eldest child to the car, she looked at me, quite pathetically and noted, "You told me not to complain!"
In addition to this act, please consider the following acts as support of me warranting the MOTY award:
1. Forgetting to send snacks with Boo when I signed up for them. 2. Not turning in the money for the tickets to play, forgoing any chance Sister had to have her family watch her theatrical debut. 3. Sending Sister in regular clothes when it was wacky, zany outfit day. 4. Forgetting to send Sister with a show and tell object, forcing her to use some useless junk at the bottom of her bag as a prized possession. 5. Frequently forgetting to feed my kids afternoon snacks, to where they are ravenous at dinnertime. 6. Complete uncleanliness of my home. 7. General inability to get my shit together. 8. Letting my baby cry while writing this letter.
Sister is a bit obsessed lately with the whole tomboy concept. She'd like to think she has a streak of tomboy in her, but really not so much. As she would say, "I'm a girly girl, with a little bit of tomboy." In reality, she's all girly girl...fashion, purses, makeup, seven going on seventeen. This morning Sister is getting her uniform on, getting ready for school. She comes to me with her tights on, but hanging low - you know crotch around mid-thigh. I do the usual lick the hands and the pull up the tights to get a good grip and get them all the way up.
Sister: I'm so glad you are my mom!
Me: Thanks hon, that's nice.
Sister: You know why? Because if I had a tomboy for a mom, she probably wouldn't know that trick. You always know how to make me look good!
Lordy, Boo is priceless. I swear, if someone could film him all day (without his knowledge though) I feel it would make an extraordinary reality show. You'ld laugh mostly, cry a little, and sometimes you might want to strangle him. But overall watching his cute little face tell his hilarious stories would just make you smile all day.
Boo comes tearing out of the bathroom the other day...well as much as one can tear out of the bathroom with their pants and underwear around their ankles.
Boo: Mom, Mom, you have to come see this!
Me: (dreading some sort of unholy bathroom mess) What is it?
Boo: My poop, I made LOTS of it.
So this is where it starts, eh? The male gender's pride in their shit..sweet, he's only four.
Boo: Mom, you have to see (as he pulls me into the bathroom). Look Mom, it looks like a bunch of snakes.
Me: Yeah Boo, you're right, it does look like a bunch of snakes.
Boo: (now this is where the relaity show would come in handy, because if you could see the expression on his face while saying this, you would cry with laughter) It's weird Mom, because it's not like I ate any snakes.
Aspiring editor and serious reader of all types of YA books. I love singing, acting, and tuna fish casserole. Narwhals are real, and I own one named Dalila.
