Off to a Great Start

Wow, what a day already and it's well before noon.

Sister woke up complaining about a stomachache. Me, being the doubter of all sicknesses, told her to eat breakfast, as she was probably hungry, and move on with her day. Sister went to school as was there all of three minutes (literally) when she quietly whispered to her teacher she was going to puke, and proceeded to do so, with great aim, in the bathroom. The school immediately called and politely asked me to pick up my sick child.

I am now forever known at the school office as that mom who sends her kid to school sick. It has happened many times before.

I quickly rounded up the troops - aka Boo and Tess-a-Bess - and readied them for the trip. Boo ran upstairs to get a sweatshirt. He came down with the sweatshirt still on the hanger and was struggling to get it off. Finally he pulled the hanger out, and held it up. It was missing the hook on top.

Boo: Are hangers supposed to look like this?
Me: No
Boo: (total deadpan) Well then, I broke it.

While quickly driving to the school I came behind a Jeep that stopped short and turned into a driveway, without a turn signal.

Me: What in the world (or maybe I muttered some expletive) are you doing?
Boo: Maybe he's an idiot driver.
Me: Maybe

I am now known as that mom who teaches their kids to yell mean things to other drivers.

Finally, we get Sister and she is looking pretty chipper. I ask how she is feeling. She says she is just fine, and feels like she can stay at school. I tell her that's probably not a good idea, but ask if she could stomach a trip to the grocery store. She says of course. I quickly try to make my way through the grocery store, when suddenly Sister says she wants to go home. Crap. She requested to go to the bathroom. Double crap. We rush to the bathroom, but in front of the wipes, she stops and pukes. Too bad it wasn't in front of the paper towels. Sister asks Boo to fetch the lady by the flowers to help. He doesn't move, so Sister runs off and finds a worker to help with the clean up. They are awfully nice to Sister, as I profusely apologize.

I am now known as that mom who brings her pukey kids into the grocery store.

Lovin' life today!!

Rub-a-Dub

Tonight in the tub, funny things happened.

As the kids were getting dressed, Boo began to comment on the new body sponge we have for Tess-a-Bess (note the blue thingy in the tub). These body sponges are the perfect base for slippery babies in the tub. Our old one was all torn up and raggedy, hence the new pretty blue one. The old one had drainage holes scattered throughout. Boo had a tendency to stick his fingers in the holes and wiggle, causing small tears, again requiring the purchase of a new body sponge.

That being said, here's the conversation that ensued...

Boo: Mom, what if a robber came in the house?

Me: That would be bad, Boo.

Boo: Wait, what if the robber came and he came straight into the bathroom and he poked holes in the new sponge and then after he poked holes he took a pair of scissors and cut the sponge up in little pieces and threw them in the toliet and then flushed.

Me: Wow, that would be bad.

Boo: Yep.

To a four year old, cutting up the body sponge and flushing it is bad, to me having a robber do only that would be golden!!

Here is the other fun we had at bathtime!

I'll Have Some Cheese

With what shall I have the cheese you ask? Any mother can tell you...with the whine. Boo's whining has hit an all time high. I know, you though Boo was a boy, well he is, the whiniest boy the Lord ever made. Don't get me wrong, I love that freckly face, the way he uses air quotes willy nilly, his insistence that he loves me to "infinity + 34", and how he can make Tess-a-Bess giggle at the drop of a dime. But I have no tolerance for whining. Especially if I am having a really long day that warrants my own whining.

After having a lovely morning with some friends in the city on Saturday, I rushed home to take my kids to the Just Irish Enough parade close to our home. Tess-a-Bess was a bit under the weather, but it seemed like a good opportunity to get her some fresh air. Within moments of arriving, despite having 3/4 of his pre-K class in attendance and plenty of room to run around in, Boo started the whining. "I'm thirsty" "I'm hungry" After 15 minutes of watching him pout and listening to him whine, I decided to take the family home. When we got home Boo asked to play outside. Both the hubby and I asked at about the same time, "Can you go to the bathroom before you go out?" Well, apparently, that was the final straw for Boo, the hysterics begin and he starts refusing to go to the bathroom. We calmly tell him that if he doesn't, he can't go outside. Then Boo let out the best line I have heard in a while, "Why do you always have to give me such a hard time!" There was no holding back, I burst out laughing, which means I immediately buried my face in my hands to hide the hysterical laughter. Of course this made him cry harder, and I added one more notch for my MOTY award.

So Not Funny

So, I have failed to find the humor in my children lately. They have been snotty, sick, tired, and otherwise not funny. Here is a small list of thing I find not so funny:

1. Not so funny every time Boo sneezes it looks like the snot rockets Puck used to blow on the Real World, except much more explosive and disgusting.

2. Not so funny every time Boo gets up in the middle of the night half asleep running around like a mad man. He is so very tired he has no idea what he is doing.

3. Not so funny the extreme attitude Sister has developed when she is sick. I know you are tired honey, but does everything have to be said with the inflection of a 13 year old brat?

4. Not so funny when Boo asked for Kleenex the other day and used air quotes when he said kleenex. Scratch that...that was flippin hilarious. How does a four year old know to use air quotes, and why pick kleenex as the word to use them with.

5. Not so funny that this mysterious illness that is just bad enough to make everyone miserable, but not really bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor moves to the next person only when the person before it is feeling better. Though it might suck for the four days everyone has it, but at least it would be over and done with if everyone got it at the same time.

6. Not so funny that now it's Mom's turn.

7. Not so funny that the hubby tore his calf muscle three weeks ago playing basketball. I feel bad for him, but also feel bad for me who has to do almost everything due to his immobility. Though I give him lots of credit for hobbling around the kitchen with the mop yesterday, it was sweet!

Here's hoping that things get a little more hilarious around here real soon.

Chuckie Cheese = Relaxation

So, I was telling Boo stories the other day. This was to take his mind off the fact that he wasn't getting to watch TV during lunch. (he had already watched for a long time that morning, and I think his brain was enough mushed for one day) I told a story about Prince Boo, another one about Princess Tess-a-Bess, and finally a stellar one about Queen Kelly. During Queen Kelly's story, the queen gets to go to a beautiful deserted island that is outfitted with all the things a queen would need...gourmet food, top shelf drinks, a masseuse, and a nanny...to have a relaxing vacation with her family.

Boo: If you want relax, we should go to Chuckie Cheese!
Me: Um, what makes you think Chuckie Cheese would be relaxing for Mom?
Boo: Well the commercial says that when the kids are playing, the moms can relax!

Advertisers out there, just know that you are reaching my kids. They believe they can be a kid at Chuckie Cheese, they are lovin it at McDonald's, and Boo is certain that if he is cold and playing he won't survive without a Snuggie. One reason I turn off the TV is simply so I can stop hearing "I want that" to every glorified pipe cleaner and bug growing commercial out there.

And for you who think only the kids say funny things, take hear Mom gets in the game once in a while too. This weekend we were getting ready to out to lunch at one of the kids' favorite restaurants. They were very poky in getting ready and kept fooling around. After telling them about ten times to get dressed, I finally lost my cool. This was the best I could come up with...

"If you don't get dressed right now I am going to get ice cream at the restaurant and eat it in front of you without letting you have any!"

As the words tumbled out of my mouth I realized it was the stupidest thing I have ever said to the kids. So much so Sister did my infamous bury-face-in-hands-as-if-crying-to-hide-laughter trick. I quickly turned away laughing myself and went into my room. The hubby was also laughing his ass off and said, "Now that wasn't very nice!" Just one more example for the Mother of the Year committee!